Cartoon created by TexasTrailerParkTrash (aka Ima June Pullet)
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Last Call
I went to our local library today to return a couple of books I’d checked out last week. Usually I’m pretty lucky in picking out something worthwhile to read. Our library is kind of small but it does have its complete catalog online now, which is a big help in determining beforehand which stacks I’ll be browsing.
This time though, I went in completely clueless. Let’s see…fiction? Emm….No. I tend to get too involved with a story and come to resent it when the author plays around with my emotions. That’s my mother’s job.
Our library has a rather extensive “Texas” collection, with a whole room upstairs devoted to it. Nah…I’m not a native Texan so the only Texas history I know is LBJ, the Bushes, and Kinky Friedman (who is also a mystery writer, by the way.)
Someday I’ll get around to his book “Kill Two Birds and Get Stoned.”
The political section could be interesting if it didn’t have so many copies of Anne Coulter and Glenn Beck leering out at me from the shelves. (I have been tempted to take some of them and “mis-file” them, but I think that’s what happened with the only copy of “The God Problem” by atheist Richard Dawkins, since I haven’t been able to locate it. I bet if I looked in the Texas room under “Varmints” I’d probably find it.)
I decided to browse the biography section, starting with the “A’s” and working my way down alphabetically. I’m afraid I gave short shrift to the books on the bottom shelves because it required cricking up my neck too much to read the titles. Yes, I’m that lazy.
I gave a pass to Maya Angelou (book too thin), Lucille Ball (book too thick), Princess Di (too sad), Ava Gardner (too drunk), Judy Garland (ditto), Cary Grant (too handsome…hmmm…maybe later), Audrey Hepburn (already read one), Adolph Hitler (too crazy).
I finally landed on one that felt just right. It’s called “American Jezebel–The Uncommon Life of Anne Hutchinson–The Woman Who Defied the Puritans.” Anyway, we’ll see.
Although engrossed in my search, I was vaguely aware that the rather large room was becoming quieter and quieter. Usually there are at least three or four other browsers around me and a couple more folks on their laptops. I really didn’t think anything of it. I was kind of enjoying the peacefulness of it all, like I had the whole place to myself.
Turns out, I did.
As I was looking at some art books, a lady came around the end of the stacks and informed me that the library was closing.
WTF? At 2:00 pm?
It seems that 2:00 is, indeed, their Friday closing time (It’s on a big sign on the front door as you come in—but who reads?)
I apologized for being the last one standing and hurriedly checked out my book.
Maybe I should have picked the book about Lucille Ball.
I wonder if Lucy ever got locked in at the library…
This time though, I went in completely clueless. Let’s see…fiction? Emm….No. I tend to get too involved with a story and come to resent it when the author plays around with my emotions. That’s my mother’s job.
Our library has a rather extensive “Texas” collection, with a whole room upstairs devoted to it. Nah…I’m not a native Texan so the only Texas history I know is LBJ, the Bushes, and Kinky Friedman (who is also a mystery writer, by the way.)
Someday I’ll get around to his book “Kill Two Birds and Get Stoned.”
The political section could be interesting if it didn’t have so many copies of Anne Coulter and Glenn Beck leering out at me from the shelves. (I have been tempted to take some of them and “mis-file” them, but I think that’s what happened with the only copy of “The God Problem” by atheist Richard Dawkins, since I haven’t been able to locate it. I bet if I looked in the Texas room under “Varmints” I’d probably find it.)
I decided to browse the biography section, starting with the “A’s” and working my way down alphabetically. I’m afraid I gave short shrift to the books on the bottom shelves because it required cricking up my neck too much to read the titles. Yes, I’m that lazy.
I gave a pass to Maya Angelou (book too thin), Lucille Ball (book too thick), Princess Di (too sad), Ava Gardner (too drunk), Judy Garland (ditto), Cary Grant (too handsome…hmmm…maybe later), Audrey Hepburn (already read one), Adolph Hitler (too crazy).
I finally landed on one that felt just right. It’s called “American Jezebel–The Uncommon Life of Anne Hutchinson–The Woman Who Defied the Puritans.” Anyway, we’ll see.
Although engrossed in my search, I was vaguely aware that the rather large room was becoming quieter and quieter. Usually there are at least three or four other browsers around me and a couple more folks on their laptops. I really didn’t think anything of it. I was kind of enjoying the peacefulness of it all, like I had the whole place to myself.
Turns out, I did.
As I was looking at some art books, a lady came around the end of the stacks and informed me that the library was closing.
WTF? At 2:00 pm?
It seems that 2:00 is, indeed, their Friday closing time (It’s on a big sign on the front door as you come in—but who reads?)
I apologized for being the last one standing and hurriedly checked out my book.
Maybe I should have picked the book about Lucille Ball.
I wonder if Lucy ever got locked in at the library…
Heating Up
Mr P: So, what do you think of LeBron James' choice? Or do you even know who he is?
Mrs P: The Chosen 1 who played on the team with a $90,000,000 payroll in a city where the median income is under $30,000? The one who got a Hummer for his 18th birthday? Yeah, I know.
Mr P: He's only 25 and he grew up in tough circumstances. Give him a break.
Mrs P: But Hummers are such gas guzzlers!
Mr P: He signed with the Miami Heat.
Mrs P: Where the lowest priced season ticket is $6,450. AND they're sold out.
Mr P: How do you KNOW this stuff?
Mrs P: I don't WANT to know this stuff. It's on every network, pretending that it really MATTERS to the real world. Even PBS is following this story like it's a hurricane instead of a pro basketball business contract. I can't spare the room for this in my brain, but it's THERE now!
Mr: What's on ESPN tonight?
Mrs: CLUCK!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Free Ranging: An Honorary Rare Bird
"Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!
People of the United States, why is everyone yelling at you??? Whatever happened to ... you know, everything? Why is the news dominated by nutballs saying that the Ten Commandments have to be tattooed inside the eyelids of every American, or that Allah has told them to kill Americans in order to rid the world of Satan, or that Yahweh has instructed them to go live wherever they feel like, or that Shiva thinks bombing mosques is a great idea? Sister Immaculate Dagger of Peace notes for the record that we mean no disrespect to Jews, Muslims, Christians or Hindus. Referred back to the committee of the whole for further discussion."After he grabbed my highly-distractible attention with that piece (we rare fowl are, indeed, subject to being waylaid by bright baubles), which was posted in '05, Carroll went on to win my fickle fowl heart with today's post entitled Chicken Data Available Here. He reviews an excellent article in a periodical to which Loulou needs an instant online subscription (Hottie Alert, girls!).
 |
| Beefcake |
Carroll waxes ecstatic on Blue Copper Marans and their chocolate colored eggs, on the suburban backyard poultry movement, and on literature for the chicken cognescenti. Be still, my heart: sex, elitist journalism, T-shirts, AND chocolate!
Pondering the iconic question, "Why do hen's cackle?", Carroll writes,
I can see a hen now, ready for her big scene, saying, "OK, what's my motivation here? I cackle, but why do I cackle? Why do I walk from over here to over there? Why do I peck at the ground? Am I hungry? Have I not been fed? I could, of course, run around like a -"
"Don't go there," says the poultry owner, knowing how badly thoughts of predation upset the delicate balance of the coop.
Humans study hens' cackling in order to gain greater insight into their behavior, which is occasionally confusing. Cackling is divided into two groups, "kuks" and "KAAKS." They have a range of frequencies between 1 and 4 kHz. I can pretty much imagine what that range might be, having heard chickens in both vocalization modes.
BTW: The answer to the question "What motivates a hen to make those noises?" is "We don't know, say experts."Ah, poultry mysticism...a sort of Kackling Kabal.
For his deep insight into the lives and loves of a severely underrepresented minority, The Southern Liberal Women/Hen's Teeth, I hereby name journalist Jon Carroll an Honorary Hen's Tooth and present him with the chocolate egg image that he unaccountably could not reproduce for his own column.
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