(Some more thoughts re: the Tax Man Cometh!)I spent all day Saturday tending to a household member who was sick as a dog. And sick as only a dog can be sick. Scooter Pie, the geriatric dachshund (the vet's terminology, not mine!) who owns me, had me quite worried. The poor thing was obviously in discomfort, and unable to keep any food or water down. Even more worrisome, she didn't sleep at all during the day. Those of you who share quarters with dogs -- particularly aged ones -- will understand that this is quite out of the ordinary.
As I was on the verge of putting my shoes on to take Scooter to the emergency vet, my daughter phoned. While she and I talked, Scooter finally fell asleep. Simultaneously relieved and alarmed, I poked the dog every hour or so to make sure she hadn't lapsed into a coma. Five hours later, she woke up and was her usual goofy self, rolling around on the floor and barking to be played with. The mysterious malady passed as quickly as it came, and Scooter has been fine ever since.
Worrisome though the dog's illness was, it pains me to admit having some uncharitable thoughts as she suffered. She'd been to the vet's for a dental cleaning two days -- and $420 -- earlier. I doubted that I'd be entitled to even a partial refund if Scooter hadn't pulled through. And I'd just spent another $200 in December for "standard" care. Barring unusual circumstances (like last summer's wisdom tooth extraction), I don't even spend that much per annum on my human kid's care!
So, I thought, why can't I claim Scooter Pie as a dependent on my income tax refund?
As it turns out, the IRS does have a provision for claiming veterinary and other expenses. Of course there's a catch: Scooter Pie would have to be a service dog. Arguably she does perform a multitude of services for the household. She is an auxiliary doorbell, a backup alarm clock, a combination vacuum-cleaner and dust mop. She guards the birdfeeder against invading squirrels. She is an excellent therapist, one who never interrupts while I'm talking or asks me why do I think I feel a particular way. And she helps to reduce our energy usage -- I don't need an electric heating pad when Scooter Pie is nestled next to my aching knee.
All that aside, I know I really can't put a price on the real value of having a dog: unconditional love. But then again, if Leona Helmsley's hairy heir, Trouble, doesn't have to pay income taxes, why should I?
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Claim Scooter Pie. Just do it. The government is going to shut down, the IRS with it, and NOBODY's ever going to get around to your one little ol' teensy stretch of the truth. They are still so busy doing back audits from 2008 (when people were claiming losses hand over fist), and their budget is about to be decimated. You've never had a better shot at this.
ReplyDeleteKisses to Scooter Pie!
Oops Loulou, they are up to 2009 now. Ask me how I know. We got a bill for another $600, and that ain't chicken feed. Just a basic error, with no fudging whatsoever.
ReplyDeleteLoulou, it's certainly tempting. But only if you'll sign my return as "Preparer."
ReplyDelete(and Scooter Pie kisses you back!)
jaded, ouch! Either of the girls interested in going into accounting?
If JJ is your "preparer" you are in serious trouble on two counts. 1) You are responsible for errors and omissions no matter who prepared the return, 2) it's pretty obvious from JJ's own confession that you will most definitely be audited. Here's an idea, why not make Scooter Pie the preparer as well as a dependent. That's bound to confuse them long enough to make good your escape to Guatemala.
ReplyDeleteMr. C, I don't have the pluck to pull that off. And in reality, I'm still too poor to owe any taxes...but that'll change once my chick graduates college. Or likely sooner, if the Republicans have their way.
ReplyDeleteMr. Cee, I am certain you are not supposed to be giving legal advice whilst you are out on bail. Make note, Layla.
ReplyDeleteNoted, jj.
ReplyDeleteHell, I don't think Leona Helmsley had to pay taxes, either.
ReplyDeleteI once knew a cat named Scooter Pie. She had a litter of kittens and everyone in the dorm picked one. We named them Boston C., Pecan, Sweetie, Cherry, and Humble.
Murr, you're probably right. And Leona was probably mad as hell that she couldn't take it with her!
ReplyDeleteLove the kitten names! Scooter Pie the dachshund sure acts like a cat sometimes . . . she sleeps on the back of the sofa, and chews her tonails into needle-sharp instruments of torture. She won't be having any litters of anything, though.
We've had so many geriatric pets (including a mini-dachshund) that we could open our own nursing home. After my Dad died, my folks' aged cat went into a decline and my poor Mother spent $700 in just trying to find out what was wrong. Her neighbor across the street used the same vet and when she heard that he was charging this little old lady so much, she told him that he better quit it or she would tell all her friends (she was very influential and well-to-do) not to go to him anymore. From then on he treated the cat no charge until it finally had to be put to sleep a month or so later. Pets--they ain't cheap, but I couldn't live without them.
ReplyDeleteGlad Scooter Pie is feeling better. And since I don't have kids, I would like to claim our pets as dependents!
ReplyDeleteI don't have any pets but I do have a stuffed Teletubby. She's the yellow one and goes by the name of LaLa. She doesn't do anything to help out around the house but I've had male companions of whom I could say the same. Perhaps I'll include her as a deduction on my 2012 tax return.
ReplyDelete